My l i f e . . .

My name is Megan. I am 16 years old and I have been cutting since I was in 7th grade, so probably around 12 yrs old. I havent cut for about 3 months now. I continue to think about it everyday though. I have the scars, and for the longest time I was ashamed of them. Yet, I would get mad if they didn't bleed and scar ((it made me feel like I did a good job)). Kind of ironic, huh?! Sometimes I wish I could hide them- other times I'm proud that I was able to "stand" the pain. Which is also kind of ironic because I did not feel any pain. The emotional pain I was feeling was so intense that any physical pain could not have been felt. Each time it would get deeper and bleed more. I thought to myself, "If I went that deep last time, I should be able to go this deep this time. Otherwise, I'm weak." And so I would. I started on my wrists when I first began. Then I moved to my lower arm (top side). Then I moved to my upper arm. All scars are on my left arm- along with the few on my ankle. I found that the razor blade is the best thing to use. Precise, sharp, and will cause it to be bleed nicely. I try to be strong and fight the urge. I know if my mom finds any more cuts that I will be in some shit. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't exist....

this site has plenty of pix of me....

 

post me please...

  • Current Music
    * mudvayne* -- not falling

(no subject)

hi im carrie im 13 ive been a cutter for 6 months and ive been burning my self for the past month im hoping to find some peopl eto tak to here and im sorry for being a promo whore but could you plz join my community some1_no1

it hurts just to think of it

i hadnt cut for awhile but ive started doing it again. i was really and truly disappointed in myself. ive been trying to stop cutting but when things gets tough, i just dont know what to do nemore. i have a friend who is very nice and the only one that i feel comfortable pouring my feelings to. but he cant always be there for me, can he? i feel so worthless. i just hate it that ive let myself down. its sure enough that theres only one person to be blamed. and that is me. i hate myself. i really wish that life has a replay button, so that i can make things right. i just wish, i really damn wish i didnt exist. its so miserable.
  • Current Mood
    numb numb
vail

A Watcher

dude been watching this group only cuz I was a moron and couldn't post in it for some reason lol

any ways I have been a cutter for years pain is something I crave I love it so much cuz its such a relief for all the inner pain..yada yada you all know this....


recently I have been having a very hard time not cutting.....its hard when your into bdsm and blood play and kinky shit to not cut if that makes any since.....

to top things off I am getting married to a person who is involved in blood play and vampirism......when we get married I want to do a blood letting of sorts.....but been racking my mind on how to do it without setting off the urge to cut all the time again.....how do you do safe blood play and not get into the horrible habit of cutting the crap out of your arm all over again? I have been able to make everything elce in my life safe and realistic and not unhealthy...maybe still unhealthy for some but for me its all good.......

we went to see a group called Core at the S&M ball in houston recently (they are a flesh hook and suspension group) oh man was it a rush....when I am not pregnant I will be joing this group......

I really enjoy body modifacation it helps me get over my unsafe urges to cut and I get to look pretty in the process.....anwyas I am sure I am babbeling....


<------very crazy girl tends to babble to much........

anyways look farward to seeing this group grow....

(no subject)

i hate myself. they laugh at me again.
someone put me down today. put me down real hard that it numbs me. i wont feel any pain even if i cut myself. i hate myself. why am i so DIFFERENT??????
  • Current Mood
    depressed stop making me miserable!