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I don't want to hurt anymore [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | A Killer Inside ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

My l i f e . . . [22 Aug 2004|12:21am]

[ mood | depressed ]

My name is Megan. I am 16 years old and I have been cutting since I was in 7th grade, so probably around 12 yrs old. I havent cut for about 3 months now. I continue to think about it everyday though. I have the scars, and for the longest time I was ashamed of them. Yet, I would get mad if they didn't bleed and scar ((it made me feel like I did a good job)). Kind of ironic, huh?! Sometimes I wish I could hide them- other times I'm proud that I was able to "stand" the pain. Which is also kind of ironic because I did not feel any pain. The emotional pain I was feeling was so intense that any physical pain could not have been felt. Each time it would get deeper and bleed more. I thought to myself, "If I went that deep last time, I should be able to go this deep this time. Otherwise, I'm weak." And so I would. I started on my wrists when I first began. Then I moved to my lower arm (top side). Then I moved to my upper arm. All scars are on my left arm- along with the few on my ankle. I found that the razor blade is the best thing to use. Precise, sharp, and will cause it to be bleed nicely. I try to be strong and fight the urge. I know if my mom finds any more cuts that I will be in some shit. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't exist....

this site has plenty of pix of me....


post me please...

2 Wounds| I don't want to hurt

[19 Aug 2004|01:08am]

hi im carrie im 13 ive been a cutter for 6 months and ive been burning my self for the past month im hoping to find some peopl eto tak to here and im sorry for being a promo whore but could you plz join my community some1_no1
2 Wounds| I don't want to hurt

join [10 Jul 2004|05:23am]


join inthecut_
I don't want to hurt

it hurts just to think of it [18 May 2004|06:10pm]

[ mood | numb ]

i hadnt cut for awhile but ive started doing it again. i was really and truly disappointed in myself. ive been trying to stop cutting but when things gets tough, i just dont know what to do nemore. i have a friend who is very nice and the only one that i feel comfortable pouring my feelings to. but he cant always be there for me, can he? i feel so worthless. i just hate it that ive let myself down. its sure enough that theres only one person to be blamed. and that is me. i hate myself. i really wish that life has a replay button, so that i can make things right. i just wish, i really damn wish i didnt exist. its so miserable.

3 Wounds| I don't want to hurt

just thought i add this here [08 May 2004|03:36pm]

C.u.t.t.e.r.sCollapse )
2 Wounds| I don't want to hurt

[05 May 2004|02:45pm]

[ mood | gloomy ]

hello ive been a cutter since i was 14 im now 18 not as bad as i use to but i never completley stopped.i feel emtee inside. alone.

1 Wound| I don't want to hurt

A Watcher [24 Apr 2004|11:50am]

dude been watching this group only cuz I was a moron and couldn't post in it for some reason lol

any ways I have been a cutter for years pain is something I crave I love it so much cuz its such a relief for all the inner pain..yada yada you all know this....

recently I have been having a very hard time not cutting.....its hard when your into bdsm and blood play and kinky shit to not cut if that makes any since.....

to top things off I am getting married to a person who is involved in blood play and vampirism......when we get married I want to do a blood letting of sorts.....but been racking my mind on how to do it without setting off the urge to cut all the time again.....how do you do safe blood play and not get into the horrible habit of cutting the crap out of your arm all over again? I have been able to make everything elce in my life safe and realistic and not unhealthy...maybe still unhealthy for some but for me its all good.......

we went to see a group called Core at the S&M ball in houston recently (they are a flesh hook and suspension group) oh man was it a rush....when I am not pregnant I will be joing this group......

I really enjoy body modifacation it helps me get over my unsafe urges to cut and I get to look pretty in the process.....anwyas I am sure I am babbeling....

<------very crazy girl tends to babble to much........

anyways look farward to seeing this group grow....
I don't want to hurt

[20 Apr 2004|05:12pm]

hhapy 420!!! 2 all
1 Wound| I don't want to hurt

[12 Apr 2004|11:05pm]

[ mood | stop making me miserable! ]

i hate myself. they laugh at me again.
someone put me down today. put me down real hard that it numbs me. i wont feel any pain even if i cut myself. i hate myself. why am i so DIFFERENT??????

1 Wound| I don't want to hurt

[05 Apr 2004|10:21pm]

sup guyz my name iz isaac

my favorite band iz icp and im really into demented art and poetry

plz b my friend!
I don't want to hurt

[05 Apr 2004|04:17pm]

Hello. im Fariza/17/f/Singapore. im new here. ive been cutting since i was 11. been in hospital twice for suicide attempts. basically, i cut because i felt alone, depressed and disgusted with myself.
i have this illness, osteogenesis imperfecta, since young. friends, strangers often laughed at me and made fun of my imperfect way of walking. i felt disgusted for being this way. so i started cutting.
first it was just mere cutting then it went really deep that i passed out upon doing it. i started burning and hitting things (mirror, wall, etc) to ease my pain. i had eating disorder and was forced to go into counselling. i stopped throwing up and back to cutting/burning/hitting.
it seems almost impossible to stop. i really feel so alone. though there's lotsa people around me, yet i feel so alone. others often be nice to me just to use me for their selfish needs in the end. i envy those who has perfect features, perfect bodies, perfect physically and lead a perfect life.
i feel like there's nothing else in life for me to look forward to. i just want to die. i have people telling me to try thinking positive and that everything will be alright. well, it just dont work for me i guess. i just wanna die.
i joined this community with hopes that i can find someone who truly understand what it feels like to walk around the neighborhood/school and having others laughing at you and calling you names. it hurts me badly. i would do anything to purge my pain.
lastly, add me if you think im not a freak.
3 Wounds| I don't want to hurt

[18 Mar 2004|09:42pm]


I remember a time after a night of self inflicted pain, I would get in the shower the next morning and try to scrub away he guilt, scrub away my scars, only to make the fresh cuts bleed. I dont know what would go through my head, but guilt filled my eyes. I will never forget the first time, I held the bright orange handled sizzor agains my pale forearm, I was so sad, so angery at myself. Sitting on the floor in my room, I dragged it across my skin and it was an instant releif from my pent up sadness, my depression. I was free. I found an outlet that was only me and the inside of my grey j crew sweater new about. But it stung. It hurt so bad the next day I prayed how much I could wash it all away. From that day foward, I was scarred for life. Excuses of snagging my skin on a fence by accident to my mother, I wish she knew the pain I was feeling on the inside.

I drew a blue ink star over one of my scars on my ankle last night. I wish I could do that all over my body. To symbolize dreams, to symbolize my pain on each point of those stars.

I was thinking about all of this when I took a bath tonight, before I went to borders. I glanced down at my ankle in the water. I saw the water turn blue around where I had drew the star, I remebered the blood that once flowed from theses scars into my bath water. I scrubbed the ink off and slowly appeared under my raw red skin, the scars that I so desperatly try to cover. I use blue ink now to express my feelings, but once it was red. I glanced at my scars, and asked myself... did I really want to give this up?

1 Wound| I don't want to hurt

You may get well, but you never forget. [16 Mar 2004|07:31pm]


Hello, My name is Emily. I am a 19 year old from New York. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (Uni-Polar), OCD, ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am a Self Injurior (sp?). I started when I was 16. I have not cut for about 8 months, but that doesnt mean I am not tempted. I still pick, and occassionally scratch. I am currently talking Welburtin SR, Adderall, and Lexapro. I have been feeling alone, and possibly by joing a few communites I will over come that emotion. Comments are always welcome @ my journal. If you want to know more, here is my story. Read more...Collapse )

I don't want to hurt

[10 Mar 2004|03:42pm]

Don't you just hate people?

I'm really hurt, this girl left a comment on my journal:

"lol your telling us advice on how to deal with pain but yet your fucking cutting yourself?? LOL FUCKING FREAK"

If you guys would, would you please comment on her heartless comment .... i don't want to let her get away with this.


please, give her hell for me.
1 Wound| I don't want to hurt

Welcome! [05 Mar 2004|11:10pm]


Welcome to Cut My Vein. This community specializes in self mutilation and how to help break the cyle. For more info, see the user info page. Feel free to join!
I don't want to hurt

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